Losing it..

Right now I feel like I'm losing it. My self confidence that is. I feel like I'm the one to blame for things not running accordingly even though I for sure I'm not. That said this doesn't mean I am flawless or free of faults and wrong doings.

On the contrary.

I have a proven record of letting emotion run ahead of rational thinking. Even so I feel that may be part of being young and innocent. So with a bit of luck, and fear of ageing, those days should be long gone by now.

But lately I feel I've struck out on a lot of things. And even though I don't want to I feel striking out on these things is starting to get to my head.

They are getting into my head as in losing my self confidence in so many ways I cannot even know where to begin to explain them.

And it sucks!

I hate being out of confidence.

Cause being out of confidence easily leads in to a negative spiral of loosing even more confidence.

I created a monster!

On the other end of losing self confidence is a friend of mine. Someone I physically helped to start a new life. In all a perfectly good deed.

But.. this gal is currently on the complete other side of the scale of self confidence which should be a good thing.

I am just worried she is actually getting over confident. As in getting a bit of an attitude while turning into a full blown b-itch!

Which is a bit interesting. Cause of all the people I know she was on my; most likely to not turn into a "know it all" and look down on everybody else list.

I really did not see that coming. But imagine this, maybe it turns out I created a Monster. Wouldn't that be a neat thing to place on ones CV and later on explain on a prospect future job interview.

Interviewer: It says you created a Monster. How did that happen?

Me: Yes, I did. And it all started one day when I jumped into the car and drew some 150km one way to rescue a friend from an old château..

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