Welcome to your time capsule...

This piece is a little time capsule, originally written years ago, when I was navigating single life with equal parts frustration, curiosity, and dark humor.

Some of the references may have changed, but the questions and contradictions still feel oddly familiar.

Sharing it here because memory has its own kind of wisdom, and because sometimes, looking back helps us laugh a little softer at what we once took so seriously.

Single in the Big City

Being single in the big city isn’t easy, and being single and 35+ doesn’t make it any easier. And after being more or less accused by a former colleague of going out to bars to pick up men, I feel the need to clear a few things up.

First of all, like a friend of mine who once starred in a reality show and now prefers quiet weekends, I would never set foot in one of those velvet-rope nightclubs, even if someone did make a valiant attempt to drag me there during a bachelor party.

But more importantly: people don’t actually go out to flirt anymore. At least not me, and not my friends either. Sure, I know someone who’s had the occasional fling on a ferry cruise or wild weekend, but not proper bar pick-ups. Definitely not.

Because really, why waste my precious time trying to connect with someone who’s just out getting drunk?

Granted, I did meet my first boyfriend at a concert when I was 16 and he was 18, we were there with separate groups, watching a band in a park on a warm summer night.

But beyond that, I’ve only once met a guy at a bar who turned into something serious. We dated for three years and yes, it worked out really well, but otherwise, I can count on one hand the people I know who’ve made something last from a night out.

Also, personally? I don’t go for men who are 40+ and childless.

I just don’t believe there are many men in that category who are child-free by choice and emotionally available enough for a serious relationship.

I mean, I’ve never met one. I do have a friend of mine that claims she has, but after I saw him holding hands with another woman, their so-called “stable relationship” felt pretty one-sided.

And I can immediately picture a handful of 40-something guys who are absolute deserts when it comes to relationships, not because they’re bad people, but because they simply lack the initiative or responsibility it takes to build one.

One guy I’m thinking of is a pilot. And honestly, if a straight guy has been in that profession for over 15 years and still hasn’t gotten married or had kids, something just feels… off.

Of course, you shouldn’t generalize. But the patterns are there.
And for me? That’s a firm no.

So what’s left?
Either guys under the magical age of 40, or men over 40 who come with a bit of baggage, kids, an ex, maybe both.

I know a few dads in that group, and they’re actually incredibly appealing. They’re involved, responsible, and absolutely melt your heart when they talk about their kids.

The kind of men who light up at school pickups, have crayons in their back pockets, and somehow still manage to be charming as hell.

Those guys?
They have a real effect on us child-free women 35 and older. Because when we meet someone like that, it hits us: now [now!!!] it might be time to start a family.

After spending over a year in a weird relationship with the same guy, I’ve come to realise we’re all stuck in some kind of romantic Catch-22.
Because 40+ men often want someone younger, someone who looks great in a group photo and doesn’t rock the boat.

But at the same time, those same guys may be hesitant about someone like me, because I’m younger and childless. How could someone like me possibly be expected to play stepmom to their kids? And let’s not even talk about how ex-wives tend to react.

So in the end, maybe we should just stop overthinking and act more instead.
And if anyone questions my emotional maturity, I can always pull the “at least I’ve been married” card, meaning I’m clearly not afraid of commitment.

Or am I?