Writing is hard..

I talked to an old friend yesterday and one of the topics coming up is that writing is hard. Or at least I believe it is, but when saying writing is hard I am not necessarily talking about the actual writing. In fact it is the part of getting noticed that is hard.

For this blog I willingly admit I may not market myself hard core. But then again, it is a bit of a diary about keeping the brain going.

The past years when not working with much else then with renovating the house, and the house before this, and taking up kind of brain less, but still important jobs, the brain needs exercise. While talking to my friend yesterday, one thing surfaced in our conversation, which was the fact "I killed my darling" a couple of weeks back.

My darling would be the other site I was writing and entertaining for almost a year. A year was the time I've given myself to make that site generate money, and when I say generate money I am not talking about top dollars. I mean any kind of money to prove I was on a a good track, and from there could make an active decision if it would be worth heading into year two or not.

But with a couple of months to go I decided to call it quits. Mostly because lack of time to work on it, and maybe even more important the lack of time to market it.

Ironically enough this happened a few days before my boss went bananas over me wanting a guarantee to be home on time on a Monday and only pitch in 10h, because of an important meeting.

Unfortunately he did not see that anyway possible, but insisted that clocking all these hours, that would even impress a Chinese sweat shop, was part of the game.

My husband quickly decided it was not going to be part of my/our game and told me to quit. Which a couple of weeks in, never mind missing the pay, feels like one of the best ideas since sliced bread.

I am like feeling like myself again. The stress is gone and so is the chest pain that made me believe I should seek out medical attention!

Anyhow, as already stated I had already killed my darling project and this is where my old friend immediately sounded just like the rest of them; "But no, but why? You are so good in investigating things, and our niche need people like you. "

Do they really?

If they really need people like me, why don't I get the attention that I seem to deserve?

Remember now, we're not talking about this place that is 'Life at the Rodeo' but a niche writing venture, and then it hit me.

They do need me, they need me freakishly bad, not only cause I dare to spill it like it is, but also because I do investigate things THOROUGHLY and write about it.

However, my audience so far, do agree with my stories, but in the end of the day they are too chicken shit to share them with others. In all they know I'm right (of course I am not right about everything, no one is), they do share my thoughts and ideas, but they are not willing to go out of their way to share my work with others.

Cause if they do, that will prove to the world - read the members of the kind of an inbred subculture the stories are covering and investigating - they also have an opinion and a voice.

By voicing their opinion, even via a "third party" = me, they too take the risk of getting into the line of fire for criticism, a price they are not willing to pay.

Which basically mean the readers, some of them I even refer to as my friends, are willing to let me stand alone in the line of fire, being "their voice" (remember how they agree), while putting my own reputation on the line.

All this, while not getting paid for it. I am sensing that is a price I am not willing to pay. So if I would pick up the dead darling and let her return to the world like JR I would do so behind a complete pay wall and give it 3 additional months and see where it'll take me.

For now, I'll head out to the boot room and continue cleaning it up. It is actually starting to come out quite nice :)